Hollywood Calling… Part Two

The idea of Painted Pony figurines getting their national cinematic moment in a feature film had a lot of initial appeal. I found myself thinking about other Hollywood Hoofers that had been part of show business… Trigger, Silver, Champion, Flicka, Fury, Buttermilk, and Mr. Ed. And who could forget Seabiscuit?

I’ll admit that for a moment, after putting the script down, I was a still little reluctant to give up star time for War Pony, Copper Enchantment, Silverado, and the rest of the herd and thought about trying to negotiate a script rewrite. What if, in the midst of his meltdown at Kemo Sabe’s Trading Post, Woody Harrelson paused in front of the Painted Ponies display, then moved on, leaving them intact?

 I flipped back to the script where there was a handwritten notation in the margin. It was from the fellow who had called me and on one side of the page he had written, “While scripted as this by the screenwriter, we are going more authentic, less tacky.”

 I appreciated the gesture but was wary. Painted Ponies were extras in every sense of the term. The scene had been conceived to make a point: the characters were having a blast busting up cheap tourist-trap wampum. I did not believe that a director would make an exception to satisfy our concerns.

So I tapped out the following response:

“I have read those pages in the script that describe the rampage at Kemo Sabe’s Trading Post, and while amusing, I’m not sure why you would think that we would welcome the inclusion of Painted Ponies in this scene. The whole idea, as I understand it, is that these characters are set off on a destructive rampage by ‘God-awful antiques, tchotchkes and stained-glass Elvis table lamps.’ Call it a ‘cathartic act of destruction’ if you will, the message to the movie-going audience is that they lose their tempers because they are outraged by junk posturing as authentic.

“While I can certainly appreciate that perspective, and may even have been tempted on occasion myself to ‘terminate’ one of those tacky souvenir shops, that’s not what we are involved in at The Trail of Painted Ponies. Our figurines begin as original works of art created by talented American artists. There is a dignity and integrity we bring to the Native American-themed Painted Ponies that is reflected in the fact that they are carried in many museum gift shops. To give permission for them to not only be presented in this light, but to be asked to donate figurines so they can be smashed to smithereens, is something that I’m going to pass on.”

A week went by before I received a response from Hollywood, and it included a concession of sorts: “I honestly don’t know if that line of dialogue about our character being ‘disgusted’ is going to come out or stay in. We can direct it so that he CANNOT be looking at your merchandise when he says the line, but that’s about all I can promise.”

I appreciated the honesty. And in the spirit of keeping an open mind I wrote back that we might reconsider IF there were a script rewrite that had Woody Harrelson pause in the middle of this demolition derby when he came to Painted Ponies, and recognizing that they were different from everything else, spared them.

To which I was told that actually something along those lines had already been added to the scene. Now, as Woody and his pals mowed down souvenir row, they came to a collector’s plate with a picture of President Barack Obama on it, and they decided to leave it untouched. The same exemption, however, could not be extended to Painted Ponies.

And so, movie time for the Painted Ponies will have to wait for another day.

THE END